it both chokes me and frees me, haunts me and inspires me, breaks me and heals me, leaves a bittersweet aftertaste in the corners of my mouth. the night holds my heart in the way you used to hold this damaged organ. i remember how you held my hand, unwillingly to let go, while strolling … Continue reading melancholia.
now i know. i needed this loneliness, i needed this pain and all the heartbreaks. i was meant to suffer in the dark, all by myself, isolated and detached. the anxiety, the panic, the depression, the sadness, the emptiness was all needed for me to grow. it forced me to fight, to find the light, … Continue reading light.
isn’t it pathetic how i still dream about you every now and then? picture your face and implant it in my brain. isn’t it sad how i still, until this very day, keep replaying moments, how i’m recollecting memories, which only make me cry? isn’t it ridiculous how my eyes still light up when i … Continue reading still you.
maybe i will always wander, perhaps i will never find a physical place to call home. maybe i won’t settle for anything or anyone in his world. and perhaps this is, all because i know. this life has so much to offer and i don’t want to miss a single part of it. i don’t … Continue reading a little bit of magic.
This angelic creature was tortured by demonic thoughts. He could not escape, as he laid there in his unmade bed, in complete silence. There was an empty bottle of rum besides his matress and a few unopened letters. The air in the room was dirty and I could smell a scent of unwashed laundry. There … Continue reading Silence.
I’ve been through much heartbreak, but still I love as deep as the Pacific waters I’ve been let down by more people than I can count, but still those people can always count on me I’ve been told so many lies, but I still believe there’s a truth in them They showed me all their ugly … Continue reading Naivety
There is no magical land I used to romanticize this place in my head, for years. Ever since I was 12 years old I was dying to move to this amazing pastel-colored city that never sleeps. But although the skylines are brighter, the people are more authentic, the food tastes nicer and the culture is … Continue reading Things I’ve Learned While Living Abroad
living with a rapid cycling bipolar disorder is… … waking up in the morning and feeling on top of the world, then a minuscule event happens, like a bad feedback on your work or a message you sent that is being ignored, and your world falls apart – all the happy feelings disappear and a … Continue reading What living with a (rapid cycling) bipolar disorder feels like…
I lost the keys to my heart So I’ve been sleeping with doors wide open Wind’s blowing through the window I’m hoping You come in with the rain Cause I’ve been wasting my nights sleeping alone Or sharing my bed with this guy I don’t know And his cigarette smoke takes the pain for a … Continue reading Cigarette Smoke
life’s getting better. the sun started to shine again. the mornings are lighter & the nights a little less heavy. the nightmares are gone. my mind is clearer now. my hands stopped shaking & my stomach doesn’t hurt anymore. my eyes aren’t burning anymore. my breath reminds me of being alive. i feel grateful. for … Continue reading life’s getting better.