Stuck in reality

Stuck in reality

I’ve been lost in the cities, ignored the way back home. I’ve been a stranger to many and I trusted impure souls. I’ve been looking and wandering and trying to figure out. My soul-path, my purpose, the reason why I’m in this world. I’ve tried to chase dreams, but this wasn’t easy. Life let me down in ways unfamiliar. I’ve been challenged and I’ve broken, trying to crawl my way up from the ground. With dust in my hair and tares on my clothes, dirt on my hands and blurs in my eyes. I’ve fallen from the highest tower, been faced with danger as I looked the devil right in his eyes. I’ve been chased by the dark, after sunset and haunted by ghosts of the past. Dreams have been vivid and nights have been short. Lights have been blinding and time has been cruel. Swiftly it passes and takes with him all that I love. My heart is still scattered, sill recovering from the things I lost. I’ve been used and I’ve been thrown away, without a second thought or an excuse. I’ve been feeling so much pain in my body. The aching never stops. It starts at my neck and goes down to my feet, hurting the ground I’m walking on. I keep moving on thin ice, praying for the the surface not to crack.

I’ve been back home for a while now, trying to fit in. Be a part of the system, getting stuck in traffic at 5 PM. Working for others, working faster than I can. I’m barely sleeping and I don’t see any of my friends. My eyes are red from staring at the screen. My fingers are stiff and my spine feels sore. I’m bursting out into tears on the way back home. Asking the moon for comfort, because I don’t think I can do this on my own anymore. I don’t know what I’m doing or where I’m going, I feel stuck. Stuck in a system that doesn’t care about me. That doesn’t care about my physical or mental health. A system that doesn’t care about my dreams and doesn’t care about the fact I’ve been eating poorly and I’ve been sleeping bad.

I wish to escape life, this social and cultural construct. I wish to live fully and not to waste my time on all these empty tasks. I need magic and I need it now. Reality has taken up all the corners of my soul and I’m hating it. This version of reality, the one most people are experiencing, is not made for me.

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