i write when i'm sad

this song on repeat. my dress of the day before on the carpet. my eyes red from hopelessness. my fingernails uneven. my hair undone and falling out. my wrinkled nightgown. my damaged skin and bruised bones. my dreamcatchers defect. my polaroids fading. my unmade bed. the unfinished books on my nightstand. the cups of coffee before and after sleep. the sound of the silence. the waiting shower and the running water. the unwritten songs. the supressed memories. those overwhelming emotions. the long way home. my cold fingertips. lipstick on my chin and mascara on my cheeks. exhaustion in my body. nightmares in my sleep. fatigue during noon. heels too high to be comfortable. fake attitude, but faker smile. full moon and staying inside. crystals uncharged. instruments out of tune. my piano’s dusty. my laptop’s battery is dying. words unfindable. dreams unreachable. change of direction. life with regret. taking chances but risking too much. needing to be to realistic. stuck with a dreamer’s heart. late night anxiety. my future unclear. my identity changing. my mind disoriented. lovers that left and love gone to waste. not being good enough. being impatient. missing home. missing the city. stuck in a system. stuck in this town. afraid of time. time that is flying. childhood’s a blur, the present a bubble. collecting poems and songs and pictures. anything to escape. breaking down each other day. praying for the pain to go away.

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