now i know. i needed this loneliness, i needed this pain and all the heartbreaks. i was meant to suffer in the dark, all by myself, isolated and detached. the anxiety, the panic, the depression, the sadness, the emptiness was all needed for me to grow. it forced me to fight, to find the light, to break free from patterns that never served me in the first place. it forced me to stop looking for anything outside of myself, for external pleasures, and through this, i found myself.
i’m still a bit broken, a little bend and a bit bruised, but my mind’s calmer now, my body hurts a little less. i can let go, not yet fully, but i’ve made the step. i’ve traded my anger for forgiveness and my grief for acceptence. i’m getting more in control by accepting i can’t have control over everything. i’ve come to appreciate it all, in the time it’s here, by my side. this is all i can do and maybe that’s just enough. to enjoy the present moment to the fullest. to not think too much about time that has passed and time that is yet to come. i breathe it in and i breathe it out as i slowly let go of every burden, every worry that weights heavy on my shoulders.
i believe and i have faith that every day i’m getting a bit closer to a state of tranquility. i’m learning to create happiness for myself. my thoughts are creating my reality, so if i can master my mind, i can have agency.
i just need to be patient and a little less hard on myself and the world around me. but it’s a process, i know. so i’ll make progess, as i make little steps towards the right direction. take my intuition as my guide and follow it blindly. i have faith in better days.