Friendly Non-Attachment​

I don’t want to waste any more words on love gone to waste
I don’t want to memorize any moments that hurt my memory
I don’t want to feel any feelings that were based on illusions and lies
I don’t want to think about thoughts ain’t worth thinking of
I don’t want to be anxious about the w​ay it’s all fading away with time

Because it hurts too much, reminiscing the past
Although it wouldn’t be so tragic if I weren’t the only one doing that
But most of the time I am, the one who remembers, the one who overthinks
The one that holds on to connections that were actually never there from the beginning

I wish I could stop caring, about the things they don’t care about
But I can’t, I’m obsessing and I’m fixated, I’m exhausted and frustrated
Wondering why am I the only one adding meaning to things to them not meaningful
I’m feeling lonely in the process of processing
I’m not making any progress, I’m running in circles, trying​ my best to feel less

I remembered why I distanced myself
From the world around me and everyone in it
It was because of self-protection, of self-defense
Because every one kept hurting me in one way or more
I had to withdraw from the shots they fired and the gaps they’d torned
From the promises​ they never made and the blind faith I was carrying

But now I’m back in the game again
Surrounded by people, making lots of new friends
But how to engage, to communicate and (re-)arrange
I don’t want to attach, but I don’t know any other way to connect

So, tonight, I’ll try to distance myself once more
Because I’m afraid of the pain that is yet to come
I need to let go, let go of the control
Let go of the urge to connect with these souls

I mean I could stay and put the effort in the work
But I don’t see the use of it, if in the end it’ll only bring me hurt

So what to do with all the connections?
Let them go, flow and practice non-attachment?
Or should I change my way of thinking
And give it a try, this new way of living?

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