Pick Up Myself Again

When you’re a small town girl with big city dreams
The city can be a tough reality
Exciting and all so new, but so intensely scary, overwhelming, exhausting as hell

I’m falling down so many times and each time I have to pick myself up again
Throw myself into the deep blue, cold ocean again
Teaching myself how to swim
Not against, but with the tides
I let the waves be my guide

Feeling not good enough, in every sense of the word
Not being pretty, smart, talented, attractive or even brave enough
There must be so many people not liking me
It’s the fear that consumes me and has power of my thoughts

Back home I was in my element
Motivated and confident
Still, I am, sometimes – but the intensity is decreasing
I’m getting more and more insecure
I’m being absorbed by all these negative emotions and feelings

It’s just that this is the city
Where it all comes together
The looks and the talents
The fame and the money
Constant competition of who’s better

Everyone’s so unique
And each one got it all figured out
I’m still searching and finding out
What exactly it is that I want

Do I want adoration of people I don’t know
Or do I just simply want to share my music
Give people a chance to look inside my soul

It’s also gonna be money that I’ll be needing
Because living is expensive, I have to keep eating while dreaming
But I don’t want to change myself to be able to make a living
I just want to be valued for the musician I am
For the songs that I’m writing, the music that I’m making

I know, I’m just at the beginning of the start
I need to practice, learn, grow and eventually I’ll get as far
But for now it’s hard
I’m anxious and ashamed, caused by all this tough luck

Quitting is no option, hiding away will make the distance even bigger
Between me and reality, I’d push away the image of who I want to be

So I do it again, today
Picking up the pieces that fell out of my body on yesterday
Telling myself tomorrow will be better
Just like the day after

4 thoughts on “Pick Up Myself Again

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