I realised how much I have grown spiritually in the last year. I handle heartbreak so much better now, than I did before. I’m learning how to let it go, to accept the unacceptable and how to move on. I’m not holding on to grudges anymore. I’m only sending love to the ones that hurt me, they need it more than I do.
I am not angry and I know the sadness will only last a week. I’m grateful for every lesson, everything it taught me. There’s no use in overthinking, holding on to the pain. It has happened, I experienced and it changed me in some kind of way.
But still, at some moments my ego is still trying to get the upperhand. It’s sending pictures to my eyes, memories to my mind. Like a wild storm, the images crush, they hurt, they bring back the cold and the old. But as all storms, these storms will pass too. I believe they do.
I’m not trying to change the past or the present, because I know these things were never made to last. I know what’s hurting me and I know that it’s my own fault, the pain is only in my head. It’s the creation of expectations of yet unwritten pages. I will not think of the future again, I will not create possibilities, I will just live and see where it all ends. Speculations are a waste of time, it never works out that way, so why create it in the mind? It’s hard, but I’m further than I’ve ever been, on this journey to independence, of accepting, of flowing.
I’m still feeling an empty space inside my soul, but I know I can fill it myself, I can make myself whole. I’m just waiting for it all to pass, the memories, the pain, the heartbreak, the damaging thoughts.
It’ll be okay, sooner or later, it’ll all fade away. I don’t need anything in return. It’s just an opportunity to get back to myself, to reflect on it and to learn.